YOU GUYS, SOMETHING HAPPENED. I found some chat logs today. I realize that posting chat logs isn't COOL or INTERESTING or A GOOD IDEA...but this one is different. The year was 2004 and a young Tico contacted a young me about an old computer game. Then something amazing happened. Something amazingly awful and stupid. A misspelling of ~tilde~ led to a misunderstanding which led to some fucking bonkers nonsense in the form of a story. Listen folks, sometimes a story happens and you just gotta roll with it. I assume this is what most people's teenage conversations were like, anyway.
Now, they called it the ship of dreams...
22:08:34 Me: super neat
22:08:43 Tico: its one of my fav games
22:09:33 Tico: old as tilda
22:10:05 Me: not old tilda
22:10:13 Tico: yep
22:10:31 Me: she was the oldest cat i ever knew
22:11:22 Tico: she liked to jump on the keyboard and hold the shift button in
22:11:38 Tico: and then she would hit the button to the left of 1
22:12:06 Me: sometimes she'd just fall down and then get mad and pout
22:12:19 Tico: ~_~ tildas mad again
22:12:27 Me: hufff
22:12:35 Tico: have some snacks
22:12:52 Tico: oh tilda you'll never understand the qwerty keyboard
22:13:29 Tico: and then she died right then
22:14:14 Me: we made little tim bury her in the back yard. he cried a lot, but tilda wouldve liked that
22:15:09 Tico: tim was only 9, much younger than tilda. it was like burying a family member in his darth vader costume
22:17:25 Me: unfortunately it was december and tim just buried her in the snow. tilda's enemy scooter the terrier found her a few days later and dropped her off on the dinner table
22:20:19 Tico: this is a sign the people would say, then they kinda lost their appetite and went to go watch tv. tilda was left there for a few days and tim sat under the table and cried himself to sleep every 3 hours
22:21:36 Me: tim was prone to vomiting, but didnt want to make a mess. so when he kissed tilda before sleeping, he'd just vomit in his mothers biggest stew pot
22:23:17 Tico: mother would get angry everytime, "tim please at least use the sink its right there" then mother would clean out the stew pot and hide it somewhere in the house
22:24:27 Me: but tim didnt want to use the sink, he wanted to use the stew pot because thats where he used to give tilda her bath. so tim was forced to find it over and over again so he could vomit
22:27:36 Tico: Gerald, tim's older brother, didnt get much attention in those days. Gerald started to act like something smelled good and would almost eat the vomit. It was funny for a few times but then it just got really sad after the 20th time
22:29:38 Me: "mm..this smells good" he would say. "god damn it gerald, just heat it up and eat it" mother would respond while wearing a mustache. the boys father commited suicide after tilda died but mother hadnt told them yet.
22:34:30 Tico: tilda for the family was their last hope some would say. the family never really returned to what they were. They went grocery shopping at least 3 times a day. Mother made Gerald wear the moustache in public. "you're a man now Gerald" she said with a smile. "Thank you mother" Gerald said everytime he taped the black comb to his face
22:39:32 Me: and tim, poor tim. tim would just sit under the table kissing tilda and vomiting into the stew pot. when he started going through puberty he was very confused about what love was. "tilda" he thought "i loved tilda." thats when mother decided to bury her. gerald supervised, saying "put your back into it, boy" and "the boss isnt gonna like this"
22:46:02 Tico: when tim put on the darth vader costume again it didnt quite fit anymore, as one would expect. tim put it on on his own accord. gerald thought it was cool, and mother was busy washing off all of the marker on her face and back. tim thought satan would grab tilda out of the ground like the hand monsters in Zelda. tim was never more scared in his life and Gerald started wearing more of his make up
22:47:50 Me: that was when the fog came.
22:48:19 Tico: and the sounds that sounded like jet engines.
22:49:21 Me: tim and mother hid in the bathtub, but gerald just stood outside and laughed while smearing lipstick all over his body
22:51:16 Tico: tim chanted his favorite songs two words at a time, mixed with the words "terra force" sometimes
22:56:27 Me: mother just slapped him, but then the power from the terra force rose up from outside and tilda awoke to vanquish the fog. tim was excited at first, then scared. tilda came in the house, passed tim, stepped on the shift key and disappeared.
23:02:28 Tico: the family was quite scared after that. They still used the keyboard and computer often. they felt a feeling much like an electric shock every time they touched the shift key. and whenever they touched the shift and the key to the left of one they saw the inner workings of whatever machine they dreamed. It was kind of boring after a while, no one really cared about machines but Gerald thought it was kind of cool, so tim did too. Mother just sat and tried to solve the magic eye poster she bought a few days ago
23:04:17 Tico: or so the story goes, of the unknown "tilda key" the end.
23:04:27 Me: phew
23:04:29 Tico: its ended
23:04:33 Me: amen.
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